So, today, as I sat at my desk at work, listening to the weather on the phone so that I would appear to be working, I pondered ways in which I might earn some extra money. Getting a regular job had seemed like a good idea, until I found out that after seven years I'm still making less money than new-hires on the cleaning staff.
Note to self: Next time, shoot the guidance councilor and become a bomb squad technician.
Anyway, I was pondering ways in which to earn more money. It occurred to me that with my biggest World of Warcraft character, I can earn nearly 100 gold per day without doing anything special, and that's a lot of money in WoW terms.
So I decided to try to earn money like she does. Now, I asked myself, how does she make money? Well... She goes around killing stuff. If it's skinnable, she skins it and makes leather goods. Otherwise, she loots the bodies. It seemed reasonable. So if I want to earn money that way, all I have to do is go around killing people and taking what's in their pockets. And also killing their animals for the leather.
Don't get me wrong... I'm not a cold-blooded killer. I needed a good target. I thought about driving past the courthouse and trying to take out some lawyers with my car, but the traffic downtown is nasty, and also I would never get the lawyer smell off my car.
I also thought about those police you see everywhere. I know they can't be busy, because I've called them for help before, and they never failed to disappoint. But then I noticed, after the first few, that they were all wearing guns, and I realized that if I weren't careful one of them might pull out the gun and shoot me.
I didn't want to target the wealthy, because they would sue me. And I didn't think that it would even make sense to target the poor. They don't even have money in their pockets. That's why they're called "poor". Also, I came from a poor background, and I don't wanna dis my homeys, y'all.
I reasoned that the leatherworking route was the best way to go. I could just run over some animals, peel off the leather, cure it, and sell it to places that buy leather from shady sources. And if the animal targeted had a person attached, such as a dog with a leash or a horse with a rider or a cat attacking someone's face, then I could both get the leather and raid the person's pockets.
Of course, there are drawbacks. In WoW, you have to periodically get your armor repaired to fix wear and tear (and poke and stab and burn). In TRL (The Real World), I would have to get my car fixed. That would be a big more expensive. Even just one horse could conceivably do 10 gold worth of damage to my car. So I needed to explore other options.
My father has lots of advice on earning extra money. But despite the fact that my father is actually one of the wisest men I know, I already listened to him regarding daily updates on my blog. I can't just accept another piece of advice this soon. I don't want to give him the impression that he runs my life. What kind of a daughter would I be?
My roommate (Giordi) has lots of avice, too, but I don't think I have that many organs that I can sell. I already donated my appendix last year, and I'm still using my duodenum.
My other roommate (Anna) still isn't speaking to me after reading my recent blog entries. Her last words to me (two days ago) were "You seriously need some professional help. No, really." Hrm.
My daughter's advice sounds all complicated and uses phrases like "day trading" and "forex", a word which I'm sure she made up.
I asked my cat's advice, and he just bit me.
So, it's back to the drawing board. Maybe I should play some World of Warcraft. It doesn't earn me extra money, but it helps me forget that I seriously need to go to bed. I say, going to bed when you're tired is the coward's way out.