24 July 2008

Heil Anxiety

So, I had this dream last night... I was on my way to a celebration. We were celebrating victory in the war.

To sum up, the Nazi party had just won World War II and had driven the Communists out of Hungary. They had also wiped out all known Jews worldwide.

If this isn't strange enough for you, I was one of the Nazis. Oh, but it gets better... I was one of Hitler's top advisors. And Hitler was a woman. In the dream, she was played by that lady from The Weakest Link.

So, I was on my way to the celebration. Don't get me wrong... I was opposed to her policy of genocide, and I didn't support the racism at all, but I had already decided that our regime was better than the one we were replacing (no idea regime what that was).

Also, she kinda scared me.

Another reason I was hesitant to go was because I knew that I was going to die. I didn't know how, but I knew that the story was about to end, and my character was supposed to die at the end. Cheerful, huh?

So anyway, I arrived at the site, when she was going to give a hearty speech. As I took my seat at the front, some of the others informed me that she had just passed a new law ordering immediate executions for anyone who even mentioned any of the Jews that had been killed. I idly wondered if I should start talking about them, knowing that I was supposed to die any minute. I thought about other ways, too. I could attack the F├╝hrer and be gunned down. We were on a high platform, so I could jump. The possibilities were endless.

As I pondered exit plans, Hitler saw me and ran over to me to give me a big hug. I stood to meet her, and as she slammed into me, she knocked us both off-balance, and I tumbled, pulling her down with me. We fell off the platform, toward the rocks a few hundred feet below. As I fell, I thought, "Oh, okay."

Just before I died I noted that I was also taking Hitler with me, so all-in-all, it wasn't a bad ending.

20 July 2008

The power of thinking...

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet Dachshund dog along for company.

One day, the Dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the Dachshund discovers that he is lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.

The Dachshund thinks, "I'm in deep trouble now! Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the Dachshund exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here."

Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That Dachshund! Nearly had me."

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the Dachshund sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine."

Now the Dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet... and just when they get close enough to hear,

the Dachshund says........ ......... .....

"Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard."

14 July 2008

Latest News (politics, redux)

I know I haven't posted in a while, but I've been busy lately. I had been telling some of my friends that I wanted to run for President, but I didn't expect anything to happen this election. And yet...