11 December 2007

Television and Taxes... Putting the "T" into "TLC"

So, I used to watch television a lot. It wasn't my fault, at first. My brother and I weren't allowed to go outside when there wasn't an adult at home, and since we were latch-key kids, that meant that summers were indoors until our mother got home from work. There were two books in the house... One annotated King James Bible, and one pocket-sized copy of The New Testament. I was going to read those, but my brother spoiled it for me by peeking and telling me how it ended (the devil did it).

So we watched television. Anyway, this was what I was used to doing. I hadn't yet mastered the art of watching TV in the background while doing actual useful things, so I would just watch. Anyway, I would watch television, and it had all these people on it. They were always doing things. They were going to parties, and bike riding, and fishing, and playing chess, and mountain climbing, and traveling, and going for drives, and walking dogs, and all sorts of things.

I would watch them, and I would always wonder... How can this person have enough time to do all these things? Have you ever wondered how a person can have a full time job, spend four hours a day in a coffee shop, exercise for an hour, eat out with friends, clean house, get into humor-inspiring trouble with family, spend some quiet time in meditation, and yet still have time to get more sleep than you? I did. Then, one day, it hit me out of the blue, like an airplane part... These fictitious people had so much free time because they weren't spending all their time watching television!

So... I stopped watching television. Now, I have more free time than I know what to do with. Enough time to keep a blog, even. There's just one problem, though... I don't know what all those people are up to, now.

So, that brings us to other topics... On my (don't laugh) Yahoo profile, under occupation, I put (you can laugh, now) "spy". The main reason I did this, was a tribute to Robert A. Heinlein, but also I wanted to put an end to all the men I encountered online who would start to flirt, then see that I worked with computers, and start asking me for free tech support.

But... It got me thinking. I should put "spy" on my income tax return. No, wait, think about it... First, the IRS is not part of the government. They are a private company that simply collects our tax money and gives a portion of it to the government, and keeps the rest for... well, that's another blog. But anyway, it's not really their business what I do, right? So, I should put that I'm a spy.

I kinda see it going down like this:

"But, you can't claim to be a spy on your paperwork!"
"Why not?"
"Because you aren't!"
"How do you know?"
"B... huh?"
"How do you know I'm not a spy? Did you check with my 'employers'?"
"I doubt they would tell you anyway. I'll tell you what... How about if I put 'retired spy'? Would that help?"

I hope the guy they send is wearing a bow tie. It's always more fun to play with the mind of a person wearing a bow tie. It would also give me a chance to get rid of some of those leftover cookies.

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