05 June 2011

From the Mouths of Yunguns

Each of us has questions in our childhood. It's a time of growth and learning. During early childhood, the brain experiences growth that it will never see again, and has capabilities that have been scientifically described as "supergenius".

Eventually, these capabilities level out for most people, but the events during early childhood have lasting effects. They're called "the formative years" for a reason. I am the person I am today largely because of what I experienced between the ages of two and ten.

So I was pondering the workings of my mind back then... I can remember the way I thought, and the kind of ideas I had, and, from my modern point of view, it's fascinating. Almost like looking into the mind of another person. I recalled some of the questions I asked as a child. And I also noticed that many of the questions I asked never received an answer.

So I compiled a list of questions I asked my mother as a child. She was my primary source of information, outside of books. Sure, I went to school, but the teachers contradicted each other a lot, and I didn't have any friends, so my mother was really important in my early learning, especially before I learned to read.

Here's a list of questions I was able to recall. Remember, for the sake of context, that these were all directed at my mother.

  1. Why aren't black people allowed to join our church?
  2. Why does Gramma say you hate me?
  3. Is Jesus' mommy's name "Mary Christmas"?
  4. Is "influenza" the opposite of "fluenza"? Is that why people with influenza can't talk so well, cuz they aren't fluenz in English anymore?
  5. If a neutron is a proton and an electron smushed together, why does a neutron weigh less than a proton and an electron put together?
  6. Teacher says we shouldn't be superstitious. Is it alright to be just regliar stitious?
  7. Of the bionic man has one bionic arm and one regliar arm, why can he bend a steel bar by holding it with both hands? Wouldn't that rip his regliar arm out of the socket?
  8. Is Grampa a bigfoot?
  9. Is it okay to pray to Santa Clause?
  10. What part of the cow is the bologna?
  11. Why do our Christmas stockings look just like Grampa's socks?
  12. If I die when I'm still a kid, in Heaven do I still have to go to bed at 8?
  13. Why do I have to eat my vegetables if I'm just gonna take a vitamin anyway?
  14. Why is the best kind of liver called "liver-worst"?
  15. What was school like before they invented electricity?
  16. My teacher says she needs to talk to you. What's a "sociopath"?
  17. If Jesus drank wine, why is it a sin to drink beer?
  18. Why are there no happy country songs?
  19. Are Fig Newtons® a vegetable?
  20. Why aren't grown-ups ticklish?
  21. What's the national bird of Turkey?
I thought that these questions might give some insight into the early development of my mind. I'm curious about the kinds of questions others asked their parents as children. I wonder if they asked the same things. Probably.

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