20 more things a doctor shouldn't say

1. Think of it this way.... The tumor cells are like the Cleveland Browns, and your body is the Oakland Raiders.
2. And Oakland's entire coaching staff was arrested last night for indecency with a minor.
3. And someone spiked the Oakland's Gatoraide with a laxative.
4. Your lab results are in, but first, I need to talk to you about a company called Amway. Have you ever thought about financial independence?
5. Think of the tumor as Red Team and the infection as Blue Team. And your brain is the arena.
6. Many people lead perfectly normal lives without the use of their five senses.
7. Have you ever wondered if there really is life after death?
8. At this point, the best advice I can give is, "Go into the light."
9. Strictly speaking, this treatment isn't approved by the FDA. In fact, it's banned in most civilized countries.
10. What? You don't have a UPC tattoo! YOU'RE UNSCANNABLE!!!!!
11. We checked for everything. You tested positive.
12. This next test usually results in blindness, but that's a risk I'm willing to take.
13. Have I ever mentioned that I don't like you? I don't know why. Something about you just rubs me the wrong way.
14. Actually, "Doctor" is an honorary title...
15. I decided that latex gloves were just a formality.
16. Look up... Look down... Look all around.... YOUR PANTS ARE FALLING DOWN!
17. Can you handle a whole lot of pain for just a few seconds?
18. It sounds funny when you say it like that. hehe
19. Were these two pieces attached when you came in here?
20. I actually wanted to play accordion when I grew up, but my father wanted a carpenter. So we decided to compromise.