All that training...

Today, I compiled a list of things that I don't ever want to hear a doctor say to me:

1. The good news is you won't be in pain much longer...
2. Before we start, I'd like to get my payment up front.
3. You remember last year when I said you looked healthy? Well, funny thing...
4. I'll make this quick, because you don't have time to waste.
5. Just out of curiosity... Have you thought about making your peace with God?
6. This would be an excellent time to take out a huge, long-term loan and just spend it.
7. Great news! According to the lab results, you'll never grow old.
8. I've seen your x-rays, and I would like to be the first to welcome you to our planet.
9. You should cancel any plans for this weekend.
10. I thought we had fixed this...
11. I don't suppose you took a cab here on the off chance you wouldn't be driving your car home.
12. It's like this... Do you remember that scene in Alien, where...
13. To be honest, this sort of thing almost never happens, since the end of the Great Plague.
14. Any other time, this would be really funny.
15. You know that saying about doctors being "only human"? Well...
16. Ouch, that's going to hurt, if the feeling ever returns.
17. Is your apartment rent-controlled?